Learn How to Love Your Ego

Love your ego and create a more fulfilled life experience.

What is the truth?

As usual (although not always), the truth is somewhere in between. In this article, I present my opinion on the practice importance of our ego and how we can make friends with it. I genuinely believe that our ego is as important as our Spirit/Higher Self. That is, we are born with an ego for a reason. And, like everything else in life, if we learn to love our ego rather than destroy it, it will serve us good.

The purpose of our ego

The ego comes from our body and mind. It is our notion that we have an individual physical body that is different and separate from everything else around us. We are here in a physical body so we can experience life differently. And the only way we can experience life is through its physical form. Otherwise, why would we get born in a physical body?

Some people refer to our life as an opportunity to learn lessons. Others refer to the same life experience as an opportunity to grow and expand our capacity to love. Others believe that we are born to simply experience the variety that life on planet Earth presents. Regardless of the reason, however, the truth is that we can experience, learn, grow and expand only if we are “stuck” in a human body. Or else, why would be born?

In other words, to accomplish our mission, serve our purpose, and expand our capacity to love, we must remain alive in our physical form. And, we must remain alive for as long as possible. That is where the ego comes into play.

The ego is part of the body. Its ultimate goal is to keep you alive.

As stated above, the only way we can experience life on planet Earth is by being alive. The longer we remain alive, the more we can experience and grow. To assure our long-term existence, our Creator created the ego.

The ego will scan our surroundings and warn us if we are in danger. It will plan, calculate, analyze and let us know if our immediate or long-term well-being is at risk. And more specifically, if our life is at risk.

That is why, we get caught in the drama of making sure we have more than we need. If we have more money, then we can buy food, water, clothes, shelter, and everything else needed to live. If we have more food, then we won’t die from hunger. Likewise, if we have a bigger house, then we will be well-protected and safe.

The ego takes its job very seriously. Even more serious than we can imagine. Every opportunity that lies before us is examined by our ego for any threats. If the outcomes of the opportunity can be reasonably predicted, it will give us the “green light.” If the outcomes, however, are unknown, the ego would assume that this can end our life. And, as your personal bodyguard, it will protect you at all costs.

It is important to note that the ego’s job is not to make sure that you are happy or live a fulfilled life. Its only job is to keep you alive. At all costs. Nothing more, nothing less.

The Ego is not good or bad. It is a necessity.

Very often, I read or hear the opinion that our ego causes us to suffer by preventing us from expressing our creativity, making untypical choices, taking risks, getting into the unknown, etc. Whenever we want to make a choice, the ego will try to stop us by using mean strategies and manipulations.

The ego will indeed do this. However, I believe that it is doing so only so it can fulfill its mission, to keep us alive. And, I am truly thankful to my ego for doing its job wholeheartedly. I am grateful for its dedicated service and for taking care of this aspect of my life. The purpose of my ego is not to destroy me or make my life miserable. It’s the other way around.

So, how can we live an adventurous life and keep our egos around?

Learn to Love Your Ego

After reading and hearing so much about how to remove, ignore, destroy, or get rid of the ego, I started doubting the validity of this idea. If our Creator gave the ego to us, it better be very important. If it is very important, then we better make use of it.

The way we can make use of our ego productively and positively is by working together with it. What better way to start a co-creative relationship with our ego than to start loving it?

1. Recognize the validity and the importance of the ego’s mission

To deny the importance of your ego is equivalent to denying a valuable and necessary part of yourself. It won’t serve you in any good way. Instead, realize the true meaning of your ego and be grateful for its unconditional service.

This does not mean letting the ego be in control of your life and making the decisions instead of you. It simply means to learn to listen to the messages it sends you and consider them.

For example, you might want to change your job and move to another city. You and your Spirit might see this as an opportunity to experience something different, meet different people, learn different things, and expand your ability to create, love and enjoy. You might even welcome the change so you can feel your energy flowing, your heart beating, your body buzzing.

Your ego, however, will calculate the risks of such change. It will worry whether you will be safe in the new city. Will you like the new job? What if you don’t pass the probation period and lose your source of income? What if people are mean and hurt you? Yes, if the ego sees a real danger, it will try to stop you.

Instead of fighting or denying your ego, thank it. Be mindful of the worries. Take them into consideration and if these are actual real threads, do something to help yourself. The best thing to do is to consult with your Spirit/Higher Self and even ask for help.

2. Befriend your ego

Now that you understand how hard your ego is trying to do its only job, and how dedicated it is to keep you alive, you can befriend it. After all, your ego is not your enemy.

As a good friend, your ego will tell you when you are about to do something “wrong.” Well, if this was your best friend giving their opinion, would you try to destroy them? Would you try to get rid of them? Or, you would listen attentively and explain your reasoning?

If your ego is your friend, talk to it and let it know why the decision you are about to make presents no risk to your life. Give your reasoning. Share with it how you can get help so nothing goes wrong. Tell it how you can get help if something does go wrong. Your ego will listen. It might agree or disagree. Have an open discussion with it and learn to work together rather than against each other.

Love your ego. Accept is a good friend that wants only the best of you even if its definition of what is best for you is different than your definition.

3. Love Your Ego Unconditionally

As a friend and a lifesaver, your ego deserves a special place in your heart. Give it the love it deserves. Just like you love your best friend even if they criticize you, love your ego even when it tries to stop you from making a decision.

If your best friend is in a bad mood, you would listen and share your love and compassion. If your ego is your friend, you would do the same.

This does not mean letting your ego dictate and control your life. It simply means to love it for being here with you.

My Story

A few years ago, I was working as a corporate accountant in a large organization. The job description was very long. My responsibilities were very diverse. I was learning and growing by the day. The salary was on the low side but in the beginning, it didn’t bother me much. After all, I was able to gain new experiences that would fill in my resume.

As the months progressed, my workload started growing. I started adding extra working hours that were not paid (since I was on a salary). The occasional hours became a norm. At some point, I found myself working during the weekend, during the holidays, during the night.

I knew this was wrong and started considering a change. All of my colleagues found other job opportunities and moved on. Even my boss did so. I was afraid to take the leap of faith. Finding a new job was impossible since I was working non-stop. I couldn’t find myself bold enough to ask for a vacation because I was afraid of losing my job. I considered quitting but that presented a new set of challenges since I supported my family financially.

In other words, my ego was speaking loud and clear in my head, “Don’t quit because you might not have enough money to buy food, clothes and shelter. Keep the current job. You are managing it, you won’t die.”

Being torn between my ego’s worries and my heart’s desire (i.e., my Spirit/Higher Self), I took some time to weigh all cons and pros. While doing so, I started analyzing the risks of quitting my current job and looked for ways to overcome these risks. I also analyzed the benefits of finding a better job by looking into my physical and mental health. By having this open conversation with myself (my ego and Higher Self involved), I was able to calm down and make a rational decision.

I quit my job and was even compensated for a one-month salary to stay at home and look for a different job. Such a job came within two months. Everything went so smoothly and I was really happy with my new employer.

I realized that by working together with my ego, I was able to avoid getting myself into a similar company with similar troubles. I also avoided signing temporary contracts or low-paid ones.

Everything worked out in the end for my highest good. And, I was very grateful to both my ego for sending me the “red flags” and my Spirit/Higher Self for guiding me in the process.

Take some time and reflect on a case when your ego helped you. Recognize its efforts. Love your ego for it is well deserving.