Handle a Difficult Teammate with 6 Proven Steps

My experience

At least, that’s what happened to me. Since I was a student, I’ve hated working with others on group projects. More often than not, there was always at least one person, who would not do their work, would do a crappy job, or would not follow the deadlines. The stress was too much, and my performance was affected negatively. Moreover, I often did not know how to handle a difficult teammate.

If you notice the pattern in my personal experience, I was giving my power away to others. I believed that my success depended on others. Only if they did their job, I would have excelled.

As long as we give our power away and believe that our happiness depends on others, we would never be living a fulfilled life.

As you can guess, working with others did not disappear with my graduation. It’s the opposite. Since I started working, I’ve been involved in various teams and projects. Given my strong and well-rooted beliefs about teamwork, you can imagine what experiences I was continuously attracting. That’s right! Non-cooperating teammates, stress about deadlines, and bad performance, to name a few.

One day, I woke up from this nightmare and realized that I was at the bottom of this mess. I was responsible for creating and attracting these unwanted teamwork experiences. This meant that I had the power to change things around.

In this article, I present my 6 proven strategies for dealing with difficult teammates and releasing all related negative beliefs.

6 Proven strategies to Handle a difficult teammate

1. Release Your frustration and anger

When working with non-cooperating people, it is normal to feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and even angry. Otherwise, you wouldn’t see it as a problem. All these emotions are just an indicator, a wake-up call, that something doesn’t work for you. These negative feelings are very important, so don’t feel bad for having them. And don’t try to ignore them, either. Instead, thank yourself for noticing them and release them.

Before you begin to handle a difficult teammate, first try to calm down. There are many good and healthy ways of releasing frustration and tension:

• Go for a walk – if work at the office, do one lap around the building, visit the cafeteria, or go up and down the stairs for a few minutes. If you work from home, do a lap around the block or run on the treadmill
• Beat a pillow – If you work from home and there is nobody around, release all built-up anger by trashing a pillow – it is safe and no one would get hurt. I learned this from Louise Hay
• Let cold water washes over your palms – if none of the above is an option (for whatever reason), go to the bathroom and let cold water run over your palms. The cold temperature will slow your heart rate and calm your body down fast

The purpose of all these is to calm your body and mind down. Once you feel the physical relief, you can take the next step.

2. Make a list of what bothers you

Before changing anything, you have to have a good understanding of what exactly you want to change. The best way to do so is to make a list.

I prefer to write it down on a piece of paper. This helps me see things objectively as an observer rather than reliving them all over again.

Write down everything that comes to your mind. Don’t worry about repeating yourself. If you happen to write something two or more times, this would be one of the areas you need to pay close attention to.

Once the list is ready, take a mental step back and feel the tension going away. Feel yourself relieved and light.

The good news is that now you know what you have to deal with. Now, you can begin to handle the difficult teammate.

3. Create positive statements

Look at your list of negative statements. These are all based on your old beliefs and projections. It is time to release them and let them go.

Take all or some of these and create their positive counter-statements. Convert your negative affirmations into positive ones.

Some examples include:

Negative statement:
– My teammate is always late submitting their part.
Change it into a positive statement:
– I always submit my work on time. I trust the Universe to take care of the rest.

Negative statement:
– My teammate never replies to my emails.
Change it into a positive statement:
– I do my job with love and ease and see my work as valuable. I am very cooperative and attract cooperative behavior.

Negative statement:
– My teammate ruins my performance. I am often affected negatively by other people not doing their job.
Change it into a positive statement:
– I do my job with great success. I am recognized and awarded for my efforts and work.

As you can see, the emphasis this time is on you and what you do.

A good idea is to always start your positive statements with “I.” You cannot change others; however, you can change yourself. Remember, it is you who attracts your circumstances. By changing your attitude, everything else changes. Don’t worry about the how. Just trust Life.

4. recognize the fear and your belief in THE lack

The purpose of the above exercise is to bring up your issue, which is always your perceptions, beliefs, and projections. Do you see how you were projecting fear and focusing on the lack?

Specifically, you are afraid that your work alone is not good enough. You fear that other people have power over you and affect your well-being.

Likewise, you focus on the lack of enough awards and compensation for your efforts. You believe in working in a competitive environment where there is very limited to be given away. You forget that you get what you attract and allow. Others do not affect your being. It is you who allows or does not allow others to affect your life.

Please don’t feel bad in any way. See this as an opportunity to change, improve, and grow. Instead of beating yourself up that you have allowed all these to happen, be proud of yourself for noticing and taking responsibility.

Whenever I face a messy situation and realize that I’ve created it, I tell myself, “Here is a great opportunity to make my life better. This is just another thing to remove from my life. I am excited to get rid of this and make my life easier and more joyful!”

5. let Your higher self or the universe handle the situation

Your job is to figure out your behavior and change yourself. That is, your job is to be clear about what you don’t want and what you want. This also includes who you want to be.

Since this is the only thing you can control, concentrate on your part, and leave the rest to your Higher Self or the Universe.

Seems too simple? Well, that’s because it is too simple. Since you cannot change or control others, don’t even try. You can employ your energy and efforts in more productive ways (as I mentioned above).

My way of asking for help

My way of asking my Higher Self to handle the situation is as follows:

• I thank my Higher Self for helping me recognize the situation as an opportunity to improve and grow – although it might appear as a problem that causes me to suffer (in one way or another), the truth is that I attracted this myself. The more I see these problems as opportunities to change and make my life better, the better my life becomes, and the fewer problems like this occur.
• I declare my willingness to do my job with love and be valuable to all stakeholders – by doing so, I take control of the situation (not the people). As long as I love what I do and see my work as valuable, the job will be done, and all who are involved will benefit. Thus, I will feel loved and valuable, which is what I’m aiming for anyway.
• I ask my Higher Self to guide me so I can successfully complete the project – again, I don’t ask my teammates to be changed because I don’t have the right and power to do so. I simply ask the work to be done in the best possible way
• I thank my Higher Self for taking care of the matter – by giving my gratitude in advance, I demonstrate my absolute trust that everything will be handled in the best possible way. And this is what I attract to myself.

It is important to note that I’m not thinking, or planning how to do other people’s jobs, so everything gets done. This would defeat the purpose of my prayer. I intend to do my part successfully and with love and great care.

All else is not my responsibility, so I leave it to the greater power. As soon as I surrender my unhealthy desire to control others, I can focus on myself. That is when the issue disappears on its own. I don’t know how to and it’s not my job to know this.

6. Switch your focus from how to handle the difficult teammate to the value you bring

Sometimes it’s easy said than done. You may complete all the above steps, go back to what you are doing, and the “same old” thoughts start flowing back into your head. Yes, it happens to me all the time.

Instead of declaring that nothing’s changed and that the steps don’t work, recognize the negative thoughts and switch your focus from the negative to the positive.

It always takes some time for the brain to be reprogrammed. It often thinks by default (and if you have a very old negative belief, the brain goes there as a habit). So, when that happens, remind yourself that the brain is just acting as it knows and that it may take a bit of repetition to change it.

In such cases, stop thinking about the issue and start recognizing the great job you are doing, all the parts you submit on time, all the responses you write, and all the help you give to others. Then, thank the Universe for taking care of the matter.

You may try something like this, “Thank you, Universe, for handling the situation with the difficult teammate. I trust you to find a way to deliver the project on time.”

With some practice, this will come naturally to you, and eventually, situations like that will stop showing up in your life.

Wait! What? THis makes no sense at all!

Ah… yes! I feel you. I had a very hard time understanding how I cannot change others, and yet, I want them to change. It didn’t make any sense at all. How could I make other people start cooperating without changing them???

Here is the thing. We cannot change others. That’s it. Deal with it. End of story.
So, if you cannot change others, don’t try to.

Instead, we are to focus on ourselves. That is, we can change ourselves and attract positive experiences. We have full control over our efforts in completing our part of the work. As long as we do this with love and appreciation, the rest will be done. How? That’s where the trust comes in. As soon as we stop wanting to control everything, everything comes into place naturally. Give it a try!

SO, why should I change? I’m not doing anything wrong! the other person should change, not me!

Well… Here is the thing. We are facing a situation we created. Since we don’t like it, we suffer from it (in one way or another). Whether we like it or not, we attracted this in the first place. The only way to fix it is to change ourselves. This is the only way to get rid of the issue permanently. The sooner we understand this, the sooner we’ll start living a happier and more fulfilled life.

I tried this, and it worked for me like a miracle. Since then, if I need to work in a team, I start my process of focusing on my work right away. I ask the Universe to handle the overall project.

In particular, I keep my attention on my part and make sure to do it with joy and love, envision myself happy and satisfied with the job I’m doing and see the value of my work. I don’t concentrate on the other people.

If I sense trouble, I simply refocus and trust the Universe to handle it. I do my best and attract the best.

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